1 00:00:00,850 --> 00:00:02,551 - hot in cleveland is recorded 2 00:00:02,574 --> 00:00:04,563 In front Of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:04,586 --> 00:00:06,478 - what can I get you, Ladies? 4 00:00:06,502 --> 00:00:08,777 - hmm, I'm kind of In the mood for tomato soup. 5 00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:11,172 Um, can I get that cold With a little stalk of celery, 6 00:00:11,195 --> 00:00:13,407 Some worcestershire, Horseradish, and just a hint 7 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:16,089 Of two shots of vodka? 8 00:00:16,113 --> 00:00:19,474 - mm, that does sound good. I'll have that soup, too. 9 00:00:19,497 --> 00:00:22,348 - maybe a pitcher of soup For the table? 10 00:00:24,446 --> 00:00:26,595 - oh, this is exciting. 11 00:00:26,618 --> 00:00:29,117 It's a text From my book agent. 12 00:00:29,140 --> 00:00:32,151 woman's day magazine Wants to do a monthly column 13 00:00:32,174 --> 00:00:33,428 Based on my book, 14 00:00:33,451 --> 00:00:34,833 200 things every woman Should do before she dies. 15 00:00:34,856 --> 00:00:36,716 - that's fantastic. - oh, mel, that's great. 16 00:00:36,740 --> 00:00:39,527 - that sounds like a sad book. - you haven't read it? 17 00:00:39,550 --> 00:00:43,422 - it takes like 20 minutes. 18 00:00:43,445 --> 00:00:46,584 20 fabulous minutes. 19 00:00:46,607 --> 00:00:49,041 - you know, I really, Really pushed hard 20 00:00:49,064 --> 00:00:50,190 To get a shot at this. 21 00:00:50,213 --> 00:00:52,745 Oh, my god, what am I gonna Write about? 22 00:00:52,768 --> 00:00:54,022 I told them I had A million ideas. 23 00:00:54,045 --> 00:00:55,364 I got nothing. I'm a fraud. 24 00:00:55,387 --> 00:00:56,322 I'm never gonna Come up with another... 25 00:00:56,345 --> 00:00:57,886 Ooh, hey, this might work. 26 00:00:57,909 --> 00:00:59,898 They're having A battle of the bands here. 27 00:00:59,921 --> 00:01:01,335 And one thing I've always wanted to do 28 00:01:01,358 --> 00:01:02,517 Before I die Is be in a band. 29 00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,304 - really? It was my dream, too. 30 00:01:04,327 --> 00:01:06,283 - you know, I always wanted to Be in a band like the bangles. 31 00:01:06,306 --> 00:01:10,360 - or the go-go's. - I wanted to be in hole. 32 00:01:12,149 --> 00:01:13,436 - the grunge band hole? 33 00:01:13,459 --> 00:01:16,597 - I live in the rock and roll Capital of the world. 34 00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:20,098 What do you expect me to say, Some lilith fair b.S.? 35 00:01:21,443 --> 00:01:23,271 - you know, I was The lead singer in a band 36 00:01:23,294 --> 00:01:24,835 When I was a teenager. 37 00:01:24,858 --> 00:01:26,464 I actually thought that's what I was gonna do with my life. 38 00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:28,923 - really? I didn't know that. - well, this is great. 39 00:01:28,945 --> 00:01:31,157 We'll form a band. You can be the lead singer, joy. 40 00:01:31,181 --> 00:01:33,392 - and I, of course, Would play the bass, 41 00:01:33,416 --> 00:01:35,116 Since I played A bass-playing angel 42 00:01:35,139 --> 00:01:38,437 in the lifetime original movie Rock and roll heaven. 43 00:01:38,461 --> 00:01:40,577 - was that the one Where you were sent to earth 44 00:01:40,599 --> 00:01:42,652 To teach death-row inmates About love and harmony? 45 00:01:42,675 --> 00:01:45,100 - no, that was Dead man rocking. 46 00:01:47,465 --> 00:01:49,133 - well, I can Play guitar in our band. 47 00:01:49,156 --> 00:01:51,944 - I guess I'll have to Break out the ol' skins. 48 00:01:51,967 --> 00:01:55,073 - older than What you're in right now? 49 00:01:57,172 --> 00:01:59,979 - that's a rimshot. A little taste. 50 00:02:11,955 --> 00:02:15,509 - ♪ well, my baby, He's all right ♪ 51 00:02:15,532 --> 00:02:18,543 ♪ well, my baby, He's clean out of sight ♪ 52 00:02:18,566 --> 00:02:20,681 ♪ don't you know that he's ♪ 53 00:02:20,704 --> 00:02:22,981 Both: ♪ he's some kind of Wonderful ♪ 54 00:02:23,004 --> 00:02:26,300 ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 55 00:02:28,591 --> 00:02:31,537 - that was so much fun! - that so was. 56 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,709 - I can't believe How much I've missed this. 57 00:02:33,732 --> 00:02:34,794 - you have a great voice. 58 00:02:34,817 --> 00:02:36,071 I had no idea You could sing like that. 59 00:02:36,095 --> 00:02:38,945 Well, thank you very much. 60 00:02:38,968 --> 00:02:41,212 It feels So great to be doing this. 61 00:02:41,235 --> 00:02:42,873 It makes me feel Like a teenager again. 62 00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:44,022 - you know, I really think 63 00:02:44,045 --> 00:02:45,077 That we have a shot Of winning this contest. 64 00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:46,482 - and even if we don't, 65 00:02:46,505 --> 00:02:47,631 It's an honor Just to be entered. 66 00:02:47,653 --> 00:02:49,003 - that's what joy said 67 00:02:49,026 --> 00:02:50,568 During fleet week. 68 00:02:55,572 --> 00:02:58,168 - okay, okay, We're sounding better, 69 00:02:58,190 --> 00:03:00,402 But we're still A little all over the place. 70 00:03:00,425 --> 00:03:01,968 Mel, that progression In the chorus 71 00:03:01,991 --> 00:03:04,394 Goes one, four, one, four. 72 00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:06,309 Oh, and victoria, 73 00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:08,418 You're playing The bass line a bit straight. 74 00:03:08,441 --> 00:03:10,780 You need to Lock into the groove more. 75 00:03:10,802 --> 00:03:13,844 - hello, angels. 76 00:03:13,867 --> 00:03:16,017 - oh, hello, rick. 77 00:03:16,039 --> 00:03:18,155 - oh, rick, so sorry. Were we playing too loud? 78 00:03:18,179 --> 00:03:20,806 We were just practicing for The bar's battle of the bands. 79 00:03:20,829 --> 00:03:23,392 - yes, I couldn't help But overhear that you suck. 80 00:03:23,415 --> 00:03:26,936 - oh, really? And what Do you know about anything? 81 00:03:26,959 --> 00:03:29,714 - I'll tell you what I know, My little sass factory. 82 00:03:29,737 --> 00:03:34,217 My band, the garden weasels, Have won the battle of the bands 83 00:03:34,239 --> 00:03:35,398 Three years in a row. 84 00:03:35,421 --> 00:03:36,962 - is that so? - indeed. 85 00:03:36,985 --> 00:03:38,623 Our skills have been honed 86 00:03:38,646 --> 00:03:41,209 To the bleeding edge Of samurai sharpness. 87 00:03:41,232 --> 00:03:44,306 Our rock will wound you. 88 00:03:44,329 --> 00:03:46,253 - wow, you sound really good. I mean, so far, 89 00:03:46,276 --> 00:03:48,905 the only song we know Is some kind of wonderful. 90 00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:51,299 - what about the one You were just playing now? 91 00:03:53,558 --> 00:03:55,450 Thank you. 92 00:03:55,472 --> 00:03:57,908 - well, you must have been a bit Threatened to come over here 93 00:03:57,931 --> 00:03:59,282 And check out our girl band. 94 00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:02,028 Afraid of girls? 95 00:04:02,051 --> 00:04:04,263 Yes. 96 00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,721 Afraid of a girl band? Never! 97 00:04:06,744 --> 00:04:10,456 I mock your feeble Female attempt to rock hard. 98 00:04:10,479 --> 00:04:12,660 Ha! 99 00:04:12,683 --> 00:04:15,470 - you know something? I don't like your attitude. 100 00:04:15,493 --> 00:04:18,249 Our band is gonna crush Your measly weasels into a pile 101 00:04:18,272 --> 00:04:20,165 Of rock 'n' roll rubble. 102 00:04:20,188 --> 00:04:22,272 We are gonna Rock your socks off. 103 00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:24,698 - yeah, right on. - what she said. 104 00:04:24,721 --> 00:04:27,731 - I'm not wearing socks Right now. 105 00:04:27,755 --> 00:04:31,500 Small fungal issue. 106 00:04:31,523 --> 00:04:34,022 But I am a little turned on. 107 00:04:34,044 --> 00:04:36,863 Would any of you care to join me In the back of my tour bus? 108 00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:40,535 - tour bus? You drive a ford fiesta. 109 00:04:40,559 --> 00:04:44,016 - spanish for "Party." 110 00:04:44,039 --> 00:04:46,985 - all right, Ladies, it is on. 111 00:04:47,008 --> 00:04:49,220 We are gonna practice Till our fingers blister 112 00:04:49,244 --> 00:04:51,456 And our voices shred. 113 00:04:51,479 --> 00:04:54,010 We have sold Our souls to rock 'n' roll. 114 00:04:54,033 --> 00:04:55,479 Again, from the top. 115 00:04:55,502 --> 00:04:59,598 A-one, a-two, A-one, two, three, four. 116 00:04:59,621 --> 00:05:01,736 All: ♪ he's some kind Of wonderful ♪ 117 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:03,334 ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 118 00:05:03,357 --> 00:05:06,367 - yeah, whatever. 119 00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:08,762 - guys, again, from the top, 120 00:05:08,786 --> 00:05:10,390 But this time, melanie, 121 00:05:10,413 --> 00:05:12,306 Don't anticipate The downbeat of every bar. 122 00:05:12,329 --> 00:05:13,648 You're turning the song Into a runaway train. 123 00:05:13,671 --> 00:05:15,691 - I don't want to... - oh, and, victoria, 124 00:05:15,714 --> 00:05:17,734 Background vocals are called Background for a reason. 125 00:05:17,756 --> 00:05:20,384 - you know, I'm not accustomed... - oh, and, elka, 126 00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:21,566 After the breakdown, 127 00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:23,323 Careful how you toss Your sticks in the air. 128 00:05:23,345 --> 00:05:27,090 That time, you almost hit me. - I'll try harder next time. 129 00:05:30,785 --> 00:05:34,529 I'm going to bed. - what? No, wait. 130 00:05:34,552 --> 00:05:37,116 - oh, ladies and ladies, 131 00:05:37,139 --> 00:05:39,574 Elka has left the building. 132 00:05:39,597 --> 00:05:42,640 - no, no. Hang on. Why don't you guys take five? 133 00:05:42,662 --> 00:05:44,268 I'll put on A giant pot of coffee, 134 00:05:44,291 --> 00:05:46,439 And we'll rehearse for A few more hours, all right? 135 00:05:46,462 --> 00:05:49,153 All right, rock 'n' roll! 136 00:05:49,177 --> 00:05:52,538 - up your rock 'n' roll. 137 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:54,550 - you know, I know she's the lead singer, 138 00:05:54,573 --> 00:05:56,050 But does she have to be So bossy? 139 00:05:56,073 --> 00:05:58,381 - I hear those Nice aerosmith boys 140 00:05:58,404 --> 00:06:02,054 Can't stand steven tyler. 141 00:06:02,077 --> 00:06:04,384 - and those cute van halen boys, They were "Hot for teacher," 142 00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:07,311 But they hated sammy hagar. 143 00:06:11,464 --> 00:06:13,452 - your takeout order Will be ready in a minute. 144 00:06:13,475 --> 00:06:16,518 Meanwhile, a secret admirer Sent you a drink. 145 00:06:16,541 --> 00:06:18,625 - oh, really? Who is he? What does he look like? 146 00:06:18,648 --> 00:06:21,467 - hello, joy. Alone, I see. 147 00:06:21,489 --> 00:06:23,830 - no, I'm waiting For a secret admirer. 148 00:06:23,852 --> 00:06:26,320 - you're waiting for me. - no, he just sent me a drink. 149 00:06:26,343 --> 00:06:29,481 - yes, that was me. - can't you understand? 150 00:06:29,504 --> 00:06:33,632 I don't want it to be you. - but you mistake my intentions. 151 00:06:33,655 --> 00:06:37,017 I'm not seeking a romantic Liaison, merely a creative one. 152 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,996 There's a new group competing 153 00:06:39,019 --> 00:06:40,529 In this year's Battle of the bands. 154 00:06:40,552 --> 00:06:42,923 They're young, And they're fun. 155 00:06:42,946 --> 00:06:45,734 damn that glee show! 156 00:06:45,757 --> 00:06:48,160 - so what does this Have to do with me? 157 00:06:48,184 --> 00:06:50,204 - the weasels Need to kick it up a notch. 158 00:06:50,226 --> 00:06:52,406 We need A smokin' hot chick singer. 159 00:06:52,429 --> 00:06:54,036 You could be our fergie. 160 00:06:54,058 --> 00:06:57,835 And I could be Our rick.I.Am. 161 00:06:57,858 --> 00:07:00,709 - well, that's very flattering, But I already have a band. 162 00:07:00,732 --> 00:07:02,625 - but you're so much better Than they are. 163 00:07:02,648 --> 00:07:06,712 - oh, I wouldn't say that. What makes you say that? 164 00:07:06,735 --> 00:07:08,181 - I've been Listening at the window, 165 00:07:08,204 --> 00:07:09,681 Monitoring your rehearsals. 166 00:07:09,704 --> 00:07:11,916 - you've been spying on us? - since you moved in. 167 00:07:11,939 --> 00:07:15,141 But in this case, I can admit it. 168 00:07:15,164 --> 00:07:17,056 Joy, I feel Your frustration. 169 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,452 Melanie and victoria don't want To work as hard as you do. 170 00:07:19,475 --> 00:07:21,305 - well, I can't say You're wrong. 171 00:07:21,327 --> 00:07:23,475 - nothing matters But the music, joy. 172 00:07:23,498 --> 00:07:26,732 I make the garden weasels Work their tails off. 173 00:07:26,755 --> 00:07:29,064 We rehearse seven days a week, Late into the night. 174 00:07:29,086 --> 00:07:30,723 We don't break For fiddle-faddle. 175 00:07:30,746 --> 00:07:33,118 Well, actually, we do Break for fiddle-faddle. 176 00:07:33,141 --> 00:07:36,886 Have you tried The toffee flavor? Amazing! 177 00:07:36,908 --> 00:07:40,239 - look, I appreciate the offer, But I can't abandon my friends. 178 00:07:40,262 --> 00:07:42,154 - they don't have The hunger you have. 179 00:07:42,177 --> 00:07:45,538 The eye of the weasel, If you will. 180 00:07:45,561 --> 00:07:47,699 Your band is going nowhere. Nowhere, I tell you! 181 00:07:51,213 --> 00:07:53,330 - joy, is that you? - yeah. 182 00:07:53,352 --> 00:07:54,479 - okay, don't move. 183 00:07:54,502 --> 00:07:57,832 We want to show you Our new outfits. 184 00:07:57,855 --> 00:08:00,195 - simple, graceful, 185 00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:03,388 Evocative of the beatles In hamburg. 186 00:08:03,411 --> 00:08:07,379 - we look like An ellen degeneres convention. 187 00:08:07,402 --> 00:08:10,412 - guys, the deal Was I would go get lunch, 188 00:08:10,435 --> 00:08:12,328 If you would practice. 189 00:08:12,351 --> 00:08:14,404 We're not gonna Beat the garden weasels 190 00:08:14,426 --> 00:08:16,639 By dressing up Like the blues brothers. 191 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,873 - you know what would beat them? Lingerie. 192 00:08:18,896 --> 00:08:22,566 - I could have a bed jacket Malfunction onstage. 193 00:08:26,017 --> 00:08:27,974 - it doesn't matter What we wear. 194 00:08:27,997 --> 00:08:30,049 The weasels Are practicing right now, 195 00:08:30,072 --> 00:08:32,285 Not deciding what boxer shorts To preen around in. 196 00:08:32,308 --> 00:08:35,957 They practice seven days a week. They have real gigs lined up. 197 00:08:35,980 --> 00:08:38,639 And they only break For fiddle-faddle. 198 00:08:38,662 --> 00:08:41,002 - you seem To know an awful lot 199 00:08:41,025 --> 00:08:42,917 About the weasels. 200 00:08:42,941 --> 00:08:44,833 - well, I wasn't Gonna say anything, 201 00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:47,228 But rick asked me To leave our band and join his. 202 00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:48,951 - what? - seriously? 203 00:08:48,975 --> 00:08:50,964 - well, he thinks I'm really good, 204 00:08:50,987 --> 00:08:53,646 And he admires my commitment. - so that sneaky little rat 205 00:08:53,669 --> 00:08:55,721 Thinks that he can Divide and conquer, 206 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:58,115 And by the way, I have thong that can do that, 207 00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,351 In case we want to go With the lingerie route. 208 00:09:00,375 --> 00:09:02,267 - well, what did you Say to him? 209 00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:04,343 - well, I turned him down, Of course. 210 00:09:04,366 --> 00:09:06,897 Obviously, you can't win Without me. 211 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,366 I'm only mentioning it 212 00:09:08,389 --> 00:09:09,993 So you'll start taking The contest seriously. 213 00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:12,293 - who says we can't win Without you? 214 00:09:12,316 --> 00:09:14,209 - yeah, you know what? That's a little cocky. 215 00:09:14,232 --> 00:09:17,467 - well, let's be honest, you Have your woman's day column, 216 00:09:17,489 --> 00:09:19,350 And they have Their outfit ideas. 217 00:09:19,373 --> 00:09:21,457 I'm the only one showing Any real passion for the music. 218 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,927 - diva speak for "I'm great And the rest of you suck." 219 00:09:25,951 --> 00:09:27,779 - no, it isn't. - oh, please. 220 00:09:27,803 --> 00:09:29,056 I've been speaking diva 221 00:09:29,079 --> 00:09:31,259 Since I tearfully informed My preschool teacher 222 00:09:31,282 --> 00:09:35,316 That not all the little teapots Are short and stout. 223 00:09:35,338 --> 00:09:37,550 - if you're just staying With us out of guilt, forget it. 224 00:09:37,573 --> 00:09:39,242 Go ahead and be a weasel. 225 00:09:39,265 --> 00:09:42,372 - you'll be happier Among your own kind. 226 00:09:42,395 --> 00:09:44,479 - I didn't say I wanted to be a weasel. 227 00:09:44,502 --> 00:09:45,947 There's no reason To get snarky. 228 00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:49,619 - no one's getting snarky. - I was. 229 00:09:49,642 --> 00:09:52,589 - look, if you want out, We don't want to hold you back. 230 00:09:52,612 --> 00:09:54,505 - or put up with Your patronizing attitude 231 00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:56,804 That is stifling our creativity And, quite frankly, 232 00:09:56,826 --> 00:10:00,826 Taking all of the fun Out of this whole damn thing. 233 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,742 Or, you know, That nicer thing 234 00:10:02,765 --> 00:10:05,042 That melanie just said. 235 00:10:05,065 --> 00:10:08,682 - well, if I'm ruining your fun, Maybe I should be a weasel. 236 00:10:08,705 --> 00:10:11,960 - don't let the door Hit your tail on the way out. 237 00:10:13,909 --> 00:10:17,654 - fine. May the best band win. 238 00:10:17,677 --> 00:10:20,463 - oh, don't worry, we will. 239 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:23,242 Hmph! Some diva she is. 240 00:10:23,265 --> 00:10:25,318 She didn't even Slam the door. 241 00:10:25,341 --> 00:10:28,893 Well, who needs her? - right, who needs her? 242 00:10:28,916 --> 00:10:30,521 - thinking she's all hootie, 243 00:10:30,545 --> 00:10:34,640 And we're just the blowfish. 244 00:10:34,664 --> 00:10:37,451 - well, technically, She's the lead singer, 245 00:10:37,474 --> 00:10:40,388 So she would be hootie, And without her, 246 00:10:40,411 --> 00:10:42,304 We do kind of blow. 247 00:10:42,327 --> 00:10:45,529 - we do not. Now come on, we're Gonna be great without her. 248 00:10:45,553 --> 00:10:47,892 - you know what? You're right. You're right. 249 00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:49,808 I may not Have joy's vibrato, 250 00:10:49,831 --> 00:10:52,107 But I-I think I can imitate her phrasing. 251 00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:53,415 - w-w-wait, wait, wait. 252 00:10:53,439 --> 00:10:55,587 You think you're gonna be The lead singer? 253 00:10:55,610 --> 00:10:57,566 - well, yeah, 254 00:10:57,589 --> 00:10:59,132 'cause the next-best Singer should step up. 255 00:10:59,155 --> 00:11:01,973 - yes, which is why I am stepping. 256 00:11:01,996 --> 00:11:04,879 - you mean tripping. 257 00:11:04,902 --> 00:11:07,625 Lead singer out, Drummer moves up. 258 00:11:07,648 --> 00:11:09,062 - look, look, 259 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:12,351 I have slept With a lot of rock stars. 260 00:11:12,374 --> 00:11:15,416 - unless talent can be Passed along like hep c, 261 00:11:15,439 --> 00:11:17,332 Who cares? 262 00:11:17,355 --> 00:11:20,014 - all I'm saying Is that I have 263 00:11:20,037 --> 00:11:21,930 The most Lead singer experience. 264 00:11:21,953 --> 00:11:23,653 - yeah, what is it With you and rock stars? 265 00:11:23,676 --> 00:11:26,432 - I know. If my private parts Could talk, huh? 266 00:11:26,455 --> 00:11:29,614 - forget talk. Can they sing? 267 00:11:32,202 --> 00:11:34,478 ♪ he's some kind of wonderful ♪ 268 00:11:34,501 --> 00:11:36,010 ♪ he's some... ♪ 269 00:11:36,033 --> 00:11:37,575 ♪ he's some kind Of wonderful, he's... ♪ 270 00:11:37,598 --> 00:11:40,736 ♪ he's some ♪ ♪ some ♪ 271 00:11:40,759 --> 00:11:43,418 - hmm, still thinking You can sing lead? 272 00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:45,175 Your belief in yourself, While touching... 273 00:11:45,198 --> 00:11:46,707 - can we please Stop fighting about this? 274 00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:50,156 - of course. Let me sing, And we won't fight. 275 00:11:50,179 --> 00:11:51,624 I mean, It only makes sense. 276 00:11:51,647 --> 00:11:55,105 Why else would we name the band Victoria and the chasers? 277 00:11:55,128 --> 00:11:58,393 - we didn't name the band that. Joy's coming. 278 00:11:58,416 --> 00:12:00,469 - oh, unified front. - mm-hmm. 279 00:12:00,492 --> 00:12:03,119 - oh, that is Such a great idea. 280 00:12:03,142 --> 00:12:05,834 Rock 'n' roll. - rock 'n' roll. 281 00:12:05,857 --> 00:12:07,749 - hello. 282 00:12:07,771 --> 00:12:09,794 - well, if it isn't Our former bandmate. 283 00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:13,848 - joni bitchell. 284 00:12:13,872 --> 00:12:17,136 So you off to, uh, join Your fellow weasels? 285 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,797 - I'm off To band practice, yes. 286 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,585 - oh, well, you better hurry, 'cause we heard 287 00:12:20,608 --> 00:12:23,395 That the last weasel to arrive Has to clean the spit valve 288 00:12:23,419 --> 00:12:26,236 On rick's saxophone. - that's ridiculous. 289 00:12:26,260 --> 00:12:30,005 Later! 290 00:12:30,028 --> 00:12:31,921 - aw, look at her run. 291 00:12:31,944 --> 00:12:33,837 - yeah, well, She knew the risks. 292 00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:36,263 It'll just make Our triumph that much sweeter. 293 00:12:36,286 --> 00:12:38,689 Oh, imagine the look On her face when she sees me 294 00:12:38,712 --> 00:12:40,670 Belting our her vocals. 295 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,394 - yeah, I can't imagine it, Because I'll be singing lead. 296 00:12:42,417 --> 00:12:44,597 - no, I'm singing lead. - but you stink. 297 00:12:44,619 --> 00:12:47,631 - but you stink much worse. - we all stink! 298 00:12:47,654 --> 00:12:49,769 But this... 299 00:12:49,792 --> 00:12:54,272 ♪ will make us All sound good ♪ 300 00:12:54,294 --> 00:12:57,943 - oh, that's so cool! 301 00:12:57,966 --> 00:12:59,274 That's cool. 302 00:13:01,255 --> 00:13:03,946 ♪ this coffee Is delicious ♪ 303 00:13:03,969 --> 00:13:08,352 ♪ is there Anything better in the morning ♪ 304 00:13:08,375 --> 00:13:11,993 - ♪ orange juice ♪ 305 00:13:12,016 --> 00:13:14,228 - ♪ we've been Doing this for hours ♪ 306 00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,846 ♪ but I can't stop ♪ 307 00:13:16,869 --> 00:13:19,146 I wish I had this thing 308 00:13:19,169 --> 00:13:20,998 When I broke up With my husband. 309 00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:24,914 ♪ get out of My life, you cheating bastard ♪ 310 00:13:26,544 --> 00:13:29,554 Oh, watch out, The enemy approacheth. 311 00:13:29,577 --> 00:13:31,502 ♪ tonight, We will have the last laugh ♪ 312 00:13:31,525 --> 00:13:33,322 ♪ ha ha ha ha ha ♪ 313 00:13:33,345 --> 00:13:36,484 - oh, it's you two Making that terrible noise. 314 00:13:36,507 --> 00:13:39,069 I thought t-pain and Stephen hawking had broken in. 315 00:13:39,092 --> 00:13:42,582 Your boyfriend's here. 316 00:13:42,606 --> 00:13:45,360 - hello, ladies. Joy. 317 00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:47,819 I address you separately, Because during your weaselhood, 318 00:13:47,841 --> 00:13:50,213 I pay you the respect of not Thinking of you as a woman. 319 00:13:50,236 --> 00:13:51,651 Shall we? 320 00:13:51,673 --> 00:13:53,886 - wait, the... The contest Isn't for hours. 321 00:13:53,909 --> 00:13:56,087 - we have a pre-gig meal That builds unit cohesion. 322 00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:57,174 Let's go, bro. 323 00:13:57,197 --> 00:13:59,057 - I hope They remembered my salad. 324 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:02,506 - you know the weasel rule. - salads are for chicks. 325 00:14:02,529 --> 00:14:04,710 But I am a chick! - were you not listening 326 00:14:04,732 --> 00:14:07,456 When I when I just gave you Honorary man status? 327 00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:10,936 Dude, grow a pair. 328 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,585 - well, rock 'n' roll. 329 00:14:13,608 --> 00:14:15,661 Both: rock 'n' roll. 330 00:14:15,684 --> 00:14:17,801 - see you in a bit. I'll just grab my purse. 331 00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:19,961 - ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪ 332 00:14:21,368 --> 00:14:24,187 - whoo! 333 00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:26,518 - look at their Fresh, happy faces 334 00:14:26,541 --> 00:14:28,593 And young-people hair. 335 00:14:28,616 --> 00:14:30,317 It sickens me. 336 00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:32,329 Your, uh, Former friends are next. 337 00:14:32,352 --> 00:14:35,203 There must be some part of you That's still rooting for them. 338 00:14:35,226 --> 00:14:39,322 - well, I can't deny... - kill that part of yourself. 339 00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:40,919 - better get A welder's mask, 340 00:14:40,942 --> 00:14:43,793 Because we're gonna Melt your faces off. 341 00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:46,826 - it's a good thing you're Wearing those funeral suits, 342 00:14:46,849 --> 00:14:48,230 Because we're gonna Bury you. 343 00:14:48,252 --> 00:14:49,985 - as if. - nuh-unh. 344 00:14:50,009 --> 00:14:53,116 - uh-huh. - this is so hot. 345 00:14:53,139 --> 00:14:55,477 And it's against Every instinct in my body 346 00:14:55,501 --> 00:14:58,065 To stop a girl fight that Might result in torn clothes 347 00:14:58,087 --> 00:15:01,417 Or a glimpse Of side boobage... 348 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:04,324 But I have a boom That must be lowered. 349 00:15:04,347 --> 00:15:06,909 Auto-tuning Is against the rules, 350 00:15:06,932 --> 00:15:09,368 As I've just Reminded the judges. 351 00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:12,657 Boom lowered. 352 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,732 - now what are we gonna do? 353 00:15:14,755 --> 00:15:16,968 - without auto-tune, 354 00:15:16,991 --> 00:15:21,374 We're nothing But fantastic drumming. 355 00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:22,874 - without those things, We can never win. 356 00:15:22,897 --> 00:15:25,269 Maybe we should just quit. - no, no, we can't. 357 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,345 My entire column Is about doing this. 358 00:15:27,368 --> 00:15:30,123 - okay, ladies and gentlemen, Please keep in mind 359 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:33,220 That auto-tuning Is against our rules, 360 00:15:33,243 --> 00:15:35,454 As we put our hands together 361 00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:37,807 For the auto tuners. 362 00:15:40,586 --> 00:15:43,501 - so you ratted them out? These are people I care about. 363 00:15:43,524 --> 00:15:46,120 They're gonna be humiliated. You are such a heartless... 364 00:15:46,143 --> 00:15:48,961 - winner? Legend? Rock bad boy? 365 00:15:48,984 --> 00:15:51,196 You don't know Whether to slap my face 366 00:15:51,219 --> 00:15:53,688 Or kiss me. 367 00:15:53,711 --> 00:15:56,720 I guess you do know. 368 00:15:56,743 --> 00:15:58,828 - okay, you sing. - you sing. 369 00:15:58,851 --> 00:16:00,903 - no, you do it. - I can't. 370 00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:03,363 - you were right. I stink. - I stink more. 371 00:16:03,386 --> 00:16:05,490 - somebody better start singing. 372 00:16:07,536 --> 00:16:12,302 - ♪ I don't need A whole lot of money ♪ 373 00:16:12,325 --> 00:16:13,356 - ♪ I don't need ♪ 374 00:16:13,379 --> 00:16:15,910 ♪ a big, fine car ♪ 375 00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:18,625 - what they need is a singer. 376 00:16:18,648 --> 00:16:20,594 - no, that's what you need. 377 00:16:23,532 --> 00:16:26,991 ♪ I got everything That a woman could want ♪ 378 00:16:27,013 --> 00:16:30,694 ♪ I got more Than I could ask for ♪ 379 00:16:30,717 --> 00:16:34,142 All: ♪ well, my baby, He's all right ♪ 380 00:16:34,165 --> 00:16:36,984 ♪ well, my baby, He's clean out of sight ♪ 381 00:16:37,007 --> 00:16:39,219 - ♪ don't you know That we're ♪ 382 00:16:39,243 --> 00:16:41,007 All: ♪ we're some kind Of wonderful ♪ 383 00:16:41,030 --> 00:16:43,147 - ♪ yes, we are ♪ 384 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,031 All: ♪ we're some kind Of wonderful ♪ 385 00:16:45,054 --> 00:16:46,405 - ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 386 00:16:46,427 --> 00:16:48,767 All: ♪ we're some kind Of wonderful ♪ 387 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,874 - ♪ yes, we are ♪ 388 00:16:50,897 --> 00:16:52,949 All: ♪ we're some kind Of wonderful ♪ 389 00:16:52,973 --> 00:16:55,695 ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 390 00:16:55,719 --> 00:16:57,899 - ♪ oh, yeah ♪ 391 00:16:57,922 --> 00:17:00,091 Boo! 392 00:17:11,173 --> 00:17:15,684 - it looks like something Stuart little would win. 393 00:17:15,707 --> 00:17:19,133 - well, I'm proud of us And our tiny trophy. 394 00:17:19,156 --> 00:17:21,176 I mean, coming in third Wasn't so bad. 395 00:17:21,199 --> 00:17:24,145 - nah, those young and fun kids Deserved to win. 396 00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:27,115 They were so vibrant And energetic, 397 00:17:27,138 --> 00:17:29,031 But I know Bone structure, 398 00:17:29,054 --> 00:17:32,671 And they Will not age well. 399 00:17:32,694 --> 00:17:34,298 - at least we finished Ahead of the weasels. 400 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,427 - and we got to see rick Doing all my fergie moves 401 00:17:37,451 --> 00:17:39,887 While singing about His lovely lady lumps. 402 00:17:42,113 --> 00:17:44,741 - oh, joy, I'm sorry it didn't Turn out the way you'd hoped. 403 00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:47,390 - oh, it's not your fault. 404 00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:49,816 I was trying to get something Back that you can't get back. 405 00:17:49,839 --> 00:17:52,371 The reason I dropped out of The band when I was a teenager 406 00:17:52,395 --> 00:17:54,862 Was because I got pregnant, And I guess there's a part of me 407 00:17:54,885 --> 00:17:56,778 That's always wondered What if. 408 00:17:56,801 --> 00:18:00,035 What I'm trying to say is... 409 00:18:00,058 --> 00:18:04,920 ♪ I'm sorry That I got so crazy ♪ 410 00:18:04,943 --> 00:18:07,729 - well, if you had just Told us that story earlier, 411 00:18:07,752 --> 00:18:09,996 ♪ we wouldn't have thought ♪ 412 00:18:10,019 --> 00:18:13,669 ♪ you were such a bitch ♪ 413 00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:16,978 ♪ speak for yourself ♪ 414 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,514 Melanie: ♪ good night, everyone ♪ 415 00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:28,069 Joy: ♪ goodnight, melanie ♪ 416 00:18:28,093 --> 00:18:31,039 Melanie: ♪ good night, joy ♪ 417 00:18:31,062 --> 00:18:34,135 ♪ good night, victoria ♪ 418 00:18:34,159 --> 00:18:36,435 Victoria: ♪ good night, melanie ♪ 419 00:18:36,458 --> 00:18:39,916 Rick: Good night, ladies. 420 00:18:39,939 --> 00:18:42,661 Joy: oh, good lord! How did You even get up that tree? 421 00:18:42,684 --> 00:18:45,727 Rick: oh, no. Oh! 422 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,600 Joy: good night, rick.